When He Was My Brother
by Evantis
Summary: My first attempt at oneshots...set when Sasuke is with Orochimaru...he's thinking of Itachi...and thinking hard. Angsty fic.


**When He Was My Brother**

Summary: A day in Sasuke's life before our stupid Itachi decided to slaughter everyone in the clan…really angsty oneshot…hope you like it.

Note from Author: This is my first attempt at oneshot fics…don't kill me if this sucks…

Sasuke sat on the cold, stone bench, looking out of the window.

Confinement.  
Yes, this was called confinement.

Sasuke-kun, you've been a bad, bad boy. You must stay indoors this week before I can permit you to go on another mission.

He was always been confined because of his behavior. Maybe because he disobeyed Kabuto – who the hell would listen to that freak of nature, anyway? – or maybe because he went directly against Orochimaru's orders. Either way, he always got confined at least twice in a month.

Confined in his room in the tower. Punished. Sitting there for a whole week, just provided with the daily necessities of life. Food. Water. Drink.

Life's daily needs.

But in his heart, Sasuke felt that he needed something more than any of this. He needed something different.

Yuruse, Sasuke. Mata kondo da.

Forgive me, Sasuke. Another time.

Yes, those were familiar words.

Familiar, caressing, comforting.

His older brother.

Do you know, Niisan? I still love you more than anybody else.

_Do you know, Niisan?_

_I still think of you. I still want you._

_Why don't you love me?_

Sasuke remembered all those days – those memorable days when Itachi had been kind, loving, compassionate – everything a little boy could hope for. But he kept changing, like the leaves of a tree as the seasons passed – he changed and changed. Gone were the days Itachi held his brother's hand, gone were the days Itachi lifted his brother from the ground and swung him around in a playful manner, gone were the days Itachi loved his brother.

Those days were just a fragment of his distorted memory, a faint reminder of what could've been, of what he would have liked it to be.

_Why, Niisan? Don't you love me anymore?_

_Aren't I your little brother anymore?_

"When people gain more ,they become arrogant and isolated."

You said that to me, Niisan.

You said that.

"I would never hurt you, Sasuke. It's a promise of eternity."

You promised me, Niisan.

"I will always be with you, no matter how much you hate me."

I could never hate you, Niisan.

"I love you, Sasuke."

You don't anymore.

Sasuke knew he was nothing to Itachi now. Nothing more than just a little boy who couldn't find his feet in the big, puzzling world. A boy trapped in his own nightmare.

"Your brother doesn't need you."

Orochimaru said that. He said that to make Sasuke feel horrible, feel sick, feel used, feel unwanted. No matter how much his heart screamed in protestation, his mind knew that what Orochimaru said was true.

No more did Itachi need him.

He could measure his own capacity with stronger foes. Hell, Itachi went for Naruto instead of him.

That dobe who could smile. That usuratonkachi who was never afraid of anything, who met everything with rash spirit.

Naruto was a goal Sasuke could not reach, a person who knew how to stand up for himself, a person who knew not to hate himself, not to belittle himself, not to be harsh on himself. Naruto was a person who could persevere beyond boundary, a person who could bring on the very memories of his past to use as his weapon, who knew how to channel his strength into spirit instead of raw power. Yes, perseverance and determination always beat brute strength.

But Sasuke could never be like Naruto. He could never summon his courage, his determination to rebuke the people who hurt him. He never had the heart to go all-out at his brother. He had held back that time and let his brother hit him endlessly, torture his very body and mind. He wanted confirmation that Itachi truly, really hated him.

My blood is your enjoyment, isn't it, Niisan? You love to watch me suffer…watch me shake…watch me fall apart. That's what you love most, isn't it?

"I am a boundary you must overcome so that we can continue to exist together."

Is your power a boundary?

"Tarinai kara na…nikushimi…"

I could never hate you, Niisan. You know that.

I still remember too much of you. I still know too much of you. Your touch, your song, your voice, your laughter, your smile.

I remember you reading to me a story. I remember you singing me a song. I remember you playing with me. I remember you tucking me to bed. I remember you cuddling with me. I remember you saying a 100 times a day that you loved me.

But you don't anymore, do you?

Because those things happened a long time ago.

Because they're nothing more than a mere fragment of my memory.

Because they only happened when you loved me.

But you don't anymore, do you?

Because I have to overcome the boundary, so that we can exist together.

But I still don't know what you mean. I still don't know. But I will find the answer, but one thing is for sure.

I can never hate you.

I love you, Niisan.

Because you're my one and only Niisan, and I love you. I love you, Niisan.

More than Mother.

More than Father.

I loved you more than Mother or Father. Because you were my Niisan.

Because that time, you were my Niisan.

Sasuke leaned against the wall and looked expectantly at the door as it opened and a familiar figure walked in.

"What do you want, Tenchi?" Sasuke demanded. The girl, fair, brown hair, bluish-gray eyes full of solemn loneliness, stared at him with her usual indifference and set the tray of food and drink on the table.

"You should watch your back," Tenchi said. "Orochimaru isn't happy with you." No, Tenchi wasn't the one for formalities.

"I don't care."

"You might one day."

"And what day would that be?"

"The day he captures your brother, like he said he would."

"My brother is out of his reach," Sasuke snarled.

"You never know, do you?" Tenchi sat down calmly on a chair. She wasn't the one to show respect, least of all to an Uchiha. Sasuke himself knew better than to go against her. She was the smaller version of Sundae herself, with atrocious strength and one bad temper. The only difference was probably that Tenchi didn't lose her temper, unless you ground her nerves bad enough to let lose that hot temperament of hers.

Sasuke sighed. "What's he up to?"

"A new technique," Tenchi replied. She always got the best information because she was known best for her amazing stealth – stealth that not even Orochimaru could surpass.

"Oh? And what kind of stupid technique does he have now?" Sasuke scowled.

"A technique specifically to be used against Sharingan-users," Tenchi said. "A sort of immobilization technique. I suggest you watch your back, too. After all, you have that thing in your eyes."

"So do you," Sasuke backfired.

The second Uchiha left of the massacre – Uchiha Tenchi. Not that Sasuke bothered anyway. It had been a shocking revelation to him at first – but he got used to the fact.

"Hn," yes, Tenchi had been spending too much time with him, alright. "Orochimaru doesn't want my body – I'm a girl – he wants yours, pretty boy. So watch your back and don't get too conceited."

"The conceited one should be you," Sasuke muttered.

"That aside," Tenchi narrowed her eyes at him. "What were you thinking of?"

"You're the last person on earth I'd share my views with," Sasuke murmured. "But whatever…I was thinking about…our earlier topic."

Tenchi raised an eyebrow. "Itachi?"

"Hn."

"Why think of him now?"

"You wouldn't understand. Your brother isn't like mine. Your brother loved you – and he died protecting you."

Tenchi glared a little at this. It was a tetchy topic, and Sasuke didn't bring up the topic of Tenchi's brother too often – it upset her and annoyed her to no ends. When Kabuto made one hefty remark about Uchiha Kira, Tenchi's brother, Tenchi had snapped like a coiled spring and send him flying two hundred kilometers northeast.

"Who says your brother doesn't?" Tenchi inquired coldly.

"If he did, he wouldn't have done what he did."

"He massacred your clan."

"Our clan."

"Whatever."

"It would be fine but…"

"But?"

"The hell of a guy doesn't feel any remorse about what he did!" Sasuke snapped. "That just…pisses me off."

"Hn, I know you long enough to understand you. You're not mad at what he did. You're still mad at him because he doesn't seem to…" she paused. "Take notice of you anymore."

"News flash."

Sasuke looked out of the window and stood up, walking towards him to look at the small bit of nature exposed to him. "When he loved me, he would tell me he did so a 100 times a day. But he doesn't do that anymore. When he loved me, he would read me a story and tell me he loved me before singing me a song. When he song to me, he would tuck me into bed afterwards, and tell me he loved me. But he doesn't anymore."

Tenchi said nothing. As temperamental as she was, Sasuke knew that she was the closest person to him at this point of time. Memories of Konoha had faded away with the passing seasons. He was left without nothing except the mere fragment of his memory of his brother.

When he loved me…

When you loved me, Niisan…

You don't anymore, do you?

You're just a fragment of memory.

But I will always love you.

I will always remember when you were my brother.

"I will always love him," Sasuke said in a voice of determination.

Tenchi looked at him, startled. This was the first time Sasuke was downright honest with her, without any quarrels beforehand.

"And I will always remember," Sasuke smiled a little. It felt foreign to his lips. "I will always remember…when he was my brother."

Note From Author: Cheesy story? Bear with it. Well, here's my first oneshot story. Hope you like it.

Please R & R.


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